House number 10

This is my homework assesment at school and well I wanted to show you guys what you think so far! I didn't finish it yet but you guys could tell me what you think! OK, here I go!

The inky black night sky slithered through the windows of the rickety house; house number ten. Luminous light glowed up the street, burrning the darkness. On that night at house number twelve lived a family know as the 'Rallies', people never take any interest in them. Their daughter named Molly who is the oldest child was born half blind. Her perents never give up on her, neaver her right eye, they hope and pray that there is a solution. Only once, when a owl hoots exactly three times on a thick black night, Molly would fall asleep for a long, long time.

"Good night" Molly wispered to the damp brick wall. "Good... night..." She spoke once more untill she fell into a deep sleep. Outside, stars dotted all over the dull, blank sky, at house number ten, owls, many owls, were falling through the windows like they were hypnotised, by what? By the old fragile house or something lerking inside?....

That's what I done so far! So please tell me what you think so far, I'll post the part 2 when I get round doing it!

Whoa.... *shiver* I love scary stories (this one sounds kinda scary)! I loved it- although there were some spelling and grammar errors. Like, "The daughter named Molly who was the oldest child." is an incomplete sentence. You could join it with the next one to make more sence.

Sorry for correcting, just thought you didn't hand it in yet and I wanted to help....

Ok, here is part 2! And Thankies steph! [people always say I have bad spelling and I admit that ^^']

... Beneath the ragged cloths and webs on the windows turned out to be a human living in the wrecked house. The owls followed in through the rooms and staircases to the attic, their stood a figure; a human; a creature? It was a woman. She wore a thin sheet of velvet as a cape; thick hair like spun wool; cold, pail skin and deathly eyes colored in deep black. She spoke in a wearey tone saying "Come, come my owls, my eyes, come forth." She tipped her head down to the floor then pulled up the scarlett hood, there revealed her full image. The owls squorked deeply then shooted into the attic, they all gathered into a bundle to witness their mistress speaking.

Molly rosse un-expectedly in the middle of her sleep, she rubbed her sleepy eye then picked up her nearest teddy. Deep squarking sounds was heard from down the street, she struggled to stay away from her dream, then plunged her head back onto the pillow. "No... I don't want to go back... to... sleep." She driffted once more into her dream.

It was morning, not the bestest of times for the Rallies. "Molly you need to get up now!" Shouted Molly's Dad from the bottom of the stair case. Molly's Dad called David who works as a gardener, he desided to become one to impress his wife, Molly's Mom named Claire who is devorced to her dad. "Ok dad!" Replyed Molly. She dressed into her black uniform; tyed her long shiny brown hair into bunches and wraps her mom's charm brasslet around her wrist for luck. A long yahn entered then left her mouth, "Wow. You look tired Molly dear, you should go back to bed." exclaimed David. Molly shrugged her sholders and woddled to the kitchen with her Dad following. "Are you pulling the silent treatment again?" David laughed but Molly staighed glumb, "I'm not in the mood Dad." she replyed as she pored out the melted, smooth milk onto her dry, crunchy cerial. "I had a bad sleep last night and I just not feeling myself." She groaned. "Well I think you should go get some rest, I'll go phone the school." David picked up the nearest phone, but Molly slamed it back in place.
"No Dad I want to go to school today! We are going to the..."
"No. You are staying here and that's final!"
Molly shrugged again then stomped her way up stairs.

In the middle of the day David left the house to go to work, "Make sure you don't go anywere!" He called. No responce. "Good." He said to himself as he turned the golden nob and entered outside. A wisp of fresh air hoverd into Molly's bedroom, "I need to get out of here." Molly shudderd, the cooling air dropped down her sweaty back. She removed the thick quilt off her warm body; dragged her shoes onto her feet then ran down the stairs. "Ok. I need to get to the..." She turned the nob, she turned it again, again. "No! I'm locked in!" Molly paniked, she dropped her bag onto the floor serching for her keys. "Great, now where did I put them." Rumerging through her bag she couldn't find it anywhere, she checked her pockets, something felt hard, rough, she pulled it out and shone it in the light, her key. "Phew, I thought I'll be stuck here all day." She turned the nob once again. The flow of cool refreshing air blew onto her face, the sent of mown grass and honey tickled everyones noses, this is spring.

Awesome chapter again!!!!! But there are also spelling errors. Here is a simple suggestion, go onto Microsoft Word and copy and paste what you have- it'll tell you the spelling mistakes.

Creeeeepy! I want to see where this goes! Consider writing more even if you don't have to finish it for school!

An addition to what Steph said: If you're using Internet Explorer, you'll definitely want to type your story initially in a word processor, like MS Word. That will also help with grammar and such. However, if you're using Mozilla Firefox, it has a built-in spell check, so when you're typing (like I am right now), it'll show you what words are misspelled.

Overall, though, it's pretty good. 8] Keep it up!

Here is my awsome quote to sum it up-awsome.

Thanks guys! I realy love all your reviews and I will take them on bored! I know speeling for me is a weekness, I have to bring a dictonary into to school everyday!! And my teachers do tell me about my spelling so whenever I do some english homework I always do it on the computer first O.o

Thankies again!!