Untitled.

That light, it’s blinding. But yet, all around me is dark. I can hardly see or breathe. It’s all too much for me to bear right now. That light, that single shining light in the distant. Someone please get it out of my face! I can’t think straight. Where is the exit out of this Hellhole? This is all just too much for me to bear.

God dangit! I don’t understand, why must it be this way? I don’t understand why. Something that must be explained but has no words behind it’s meaning. What and why? I have to sit down, but in all of this darkness, I see nowhere that I can sit, so I must remain standing. But why must there be some sudden pain in my legs, forcing me to kneel to my knees. Being reduced to this, why!?

I feel like I am being interrogated, forced to think—forced to decide whether or not the truth will bite you in the end, or whether a lie with suffice. Am I in some weird purgatory state of mind?

Troubled. Is that what I am? I hear them speaking about me, but I do not know what is going on! What happened to me!? It’s cold, all too cold in here. And too dark! I need a window, I need some sort of sunlight, just to know there is life. I don’t like this deathly darkness. It hurts to think, just a little too much. I think I’ll lay down.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Is that all I am capable of here? I can’t think. I can’t stand. I can barely even sit up straight. Wh-what is my purpose here? I really don’t understand. Am I going mad? Silence. Am I crying? From the warm, wet feeling on my hands, it feels like I am. I don’t understand why or what. I’m alone. I’m alone. I’m alone. But why? I’m forced to question everything, but why!? My fists are balling up, a fit of rage, a fit of misunderstanding, a fit of anger.

A sudden burst of strength—I push myself from that pitiful position on the ground and just thrash my body around. I want to scream! Just let all of it out! There’s such a feeling in my bones that I just need to let out, that I just don’t understand! I want grab something and just twist and break it! Dig my fingers into it and watch it break! But I am getting ahead of myself, but I just can’t take it. I’m shaking. I don’t understand. But I just can’t understand—I can’t read into my own mind, I just can’t think.

Suddenly, I can’t feel my legs anymore. I can’t tell where the floor is. I’m just going to fall. Suspended. Am I just floating? I don’t know if I’m falling or flying. No wind touches my face yet I do not feel the ground beneath my feet. Everything is just so strange. Maybe… Maybe I’ll just close my eyes and plead for everything normal to return to me. If it helps, I feel like I’m flying, and there is no more pain.

Perhaps, I’ve come to some sort of realization, that maybe… There is no way out. Perhaps I’m dead, perhaps I’m only sleeping. I close my eyes and curl up into a fetal position, tucking my knees into my chest—maybe I can rest with ease for now.

But I see a light; that same dang light that teased me before with the ideas of a possible escape, throwing my mind into mass hysteria. I feel cold, but yet my fingertips touch some warm skin upon my cheek—do I even really feel it or is that my mind playing tricks me yet again with thoughts that I know cannot be true, like so many years ago. I must come to accept it. Perhaps that light is my only companion in this dark world.

Maybe I’ll try reaching towards it with whatever energy I have left before passing out one last time. It disappears and the dark is around me. But the strange is, I feel warm.

Sudden bursts of light surround me—perhaps I am alive. Living like the renaissance, needing to be reeducated about everything, living in such a dark time, maybe I only needed to be enlightened—but what did I learn?

Questions. Far too many of them; are they only the ravings of a mad man? Challenge, I must challenge everything. I shall live.

{The picture belongs to a friend of mine, if you would like to see his other pictures just ask me for his link.}

Oh how this speaks to my soul! I can feel the energy, the feeling. Swift and well spoken, as if your really surrounded by darkness. I have a situtaion (a serious one) and i can relate to this writing. It only seems like it's too good to be true, at last words that can describe this feeling i've had. I have enjoyed reading this. Well done, bravo. It's truly wonderful. ( he at least to me )