Untitled...hey, please check this.E.S, here's my story.

*working on it.*

You want a comma after the word friend. (Sorry, but I'm really picky when it comes to grammar.)

Well, more character descriptions would be a good start. For example, we know from your dialouge that the girl is beautiful. How so? Describe her hair, eyes, etc. Same for Sam. Maybe a brief history as to why he's so surly?

Also, I noticed a couple of times where you spelled the word "what" as "hat." Also, watch your capitilazation. The only words you should capatilize are nouns (people, places, etc) and the words at the beginning of the sentences.

I think descriptions and simple spelling/grammar issues are your main issues. But you definitely have potential! Keep writing! ^^

"write more, or ask eternal what i'll do to you!"

*goes to find special ear-covering hat*

Thanks! i promise, i'll make this one better.! i'll edit it right away.