A Poem I made a Year Ago

I made this in 8th grade and I think it's pretty funny.

Can’t stay Up

I have a problem,
It’s hard to figure out.
If you ever fall asleep in class,
You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

I don’t know why I’m drowsy.
I wake up rather quick.
I go to bed at nine-thirty.
Maybe I’m sick.

Maybe school is the problem,
My teacher is super boring.
Before she got my attention,
Now she has me snoring.

Nothing is working out!
I’ve tried eating lots of sugary toffee,
But I just fell right asleep.
I even tried coffee!

I can’t stay up!
When it’s getting deep,
I am out of luck,
And I fall asleep…

I'm absolutely like that! Very good though!

Teehee. It's a funny poem. Only thing I have to point out is that your meter is a little off. Like, in the second stanza,

Quote :

I don’t know why I’m drowsy.
I wake up rather quick.
I go to bed at nine-thirty.
Maybe I’m sick.

The last line throws it off a little bit because "maybe" is only two syllables. A better word might be "possibly." Like so:

Quote :

I don’t know why I’m drowsy.
I wake up rather quick.
I go to bed at nine-thirty.
Possibly I’m sick.

You see what I mean?


Other than that, it's really good. I giggled out loud, because that sounds like something I would do.

NUUU teach me teach me teach me DD:

YOURS IS SOOOO GOOD... It has good emotions and it's funny ^_^

I can never do that .... Mine are always sad dark and stuff whenever i try to create a happy-fun like it turns out weirdly and i end up tearing the paper with that poema apart ._.

Eternal Silence wrote:

Teehee. It's a funny poem. Only thing I have to point out is that your meter is a little off. Like, in the second stanza,

Quote :

I don’t know why I’m drowsy.
I wake up rather quick.
I go to bed at nine-thirty.
Maybe I’m sick.

The last line throws it off a little bit because "maybe" is only two syllables. A better word might be "possibly." Like so:

Quote :

I don’t know why I’m drowsy.
I wake up rather quick.
I go to bed at nine-thirty.
Possibly I’m sick.

You see what I mean?


Other than that, it's really good. I giggled out loud, because that sounds like something I would do.

I see what you mean, but I wasn't trying to write in an iambic way. I intentionaly put it there to mess up the poem to show how messed up I am.

Yeah, I know. XD I'm such a formatting Nazi, plus I'm OCD, I just had to point it out. Sorry. I knew it wasn't an iambic poem.

"what's OCD?"

It stands for "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."

Eternal Silence wrote:

Yeah, I know. XD I'm such a formatting Nazi, plus I'm OCD, I just had to point it out. Sorry. I knew it wasn't an iambic poem.

Okay. That reminds me I hate analizing poems....

"ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

I spent three weeks in a writing camp, and one of those weeks was completely dedicated to poetry, and analyzing it. It's EMBEDDED IN MY BRAIN NOW. DX *slams palm against one ear trying to make poetry analysis part of brain fall out of other ear*

*rolls eyes* "i have a friend with ADD, and ii have ADD."

I've tried that, it doesn't work. It won't come out! Dx

"you can't get rid of that kinda stuff, it's permanent."

That's what makes it burn! DX

Pfft. Don't I know it. XD Now I'm driving my friends crazy in my language arts class, because I point stuff out. OCD plus poetry analysis skills...not good. Especially because no one in my class really likes poetry enough to make it iambically correct. DX

But it's fun for it to be incorrect. I have that same problem with essays. Somethings just bug me like improper citations or odd transitions.

"yeah well i used to get big, fat, ugly, F's in math!"

My friends make fun of me because if I see a grammar or spelling mistake on an essay for class or something, and for whatever reason I can't fix it, I'll freak out.

I HAVE PROBLEMSSSSSSS, OKAY? D:

Sometimes if I miss a coma I put it in with a black pen. xD